A Pessimist Is Really An Optimist With Experience.

I'm sorry I always wanted more.
And I'm sorry I pushed you.
I never meant to. To be so stubborn.
I guess I'm just so used to always getting my way.
To people eventually budging.
But you stood your ground.
You weren't going to change for anyone, not even me.
I respect that, I admire that.
Hindsight is 20/20...and boy was I an idiot.
And definitely not a subtle one.
I really can't believe you didnt run earlier. I sure would have.
There's so much I would do differently if I had the chance.
I would be myself. The "me" you rarely saw.
Crazy, weird, aggressive, spontaneous, adventurous me.
I learned to hide that because it has always been rejected.
And then I finally find someone who would fully accept it,
and I put on a facade the whole time. Because I was scared.
JUST MY LUCK.
I could show you that "me" now...kicking and screaming.
I could throw that true "me" at you all I want, but it'd be no use.
You don't want it anymore.
The timing was never right.
There were so many signs that told me to turn back.
Wait, just hold out for a little while. But I didn't listen.
I loved the rush too much.
So I kept pushing more and more. Way more than necessary.
It became the downfall of everything.
There's still a hole.
You've really changed my views forever, I think.
I refuse to settle now.
But I'm so lonely.
I feel like a part of me is dead.
Like I lost a best friend.
We used to talk all day, every day.
Back when I was still a "goal" for you.
When I was still good enough.
I could tell you ANYTHING without worry.
And now I'm left bored, and longing for that feeling again.
I don't know if I'll ever find it.
But I hope I can at least forget what it was like.
So I can move on.
Someday.